Wholehearted Living is also Agile Living – Dr. Brene Brown

Dr. Brené Brown is a researcher professor at the University of Houston, Graduate College of Social Work, where she has spent the past ten years studying vulnerability, shame, courage, and whole-hearted living.

Clients often ask me if there is a book or resource for learning more about what I teach regarding self-acceptance, self-respect, self-acknowledgment and self-compassion. Dr. Brené Brown’s work is among the best resources available today.

Below are resources from Dr. Brené Brown I wholeheartedly recommend.

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Intensity is a form of neurodiversity. Steve Jobs is a GREAT example of Intensity.

Intensity of energy, drive, compassion, and frustration is a well-documented aspect of having extraordinary intelligence and empathy. Steve Jobs was lucky he had productive outlets for his intensity, but he also paid a high price.  I deeply admire that he was strong enough to not let his creative passion be subdued or muted by the people around him who were clueless about how to cultivate or cope with his intense drive to innovate.

Luckily he insisted on cultivating it himself. Even when he got booted from Apple for his emotional intensity, he refused to give up and moved on to become the force behind Pixar and Toy Story.

It takes a very intense kind of person to challenge the status quo and do what people say can’t be done. Not only were lots of people not supporting him, they were actively trying to suppress and modify him as well. How long would you stand up for your big idea if everyone around you was trying to change it?

“But for all his obnoxiousness with his colleagues…, Jobs had a rich collaborative streak as well. He was enough of an egomaniac to think of himself as another John Lennon, but he was always looking for McCartneys to go along for the ride with him.”

 

This is a quote from Steven Johnson, author of the brilliant book  Where Good Ideas Come From: The Natural History of Innovation speaking about Steve Jobs in this article:  thoughts-on-steve-jobs-the-book

To me, this is a kind of intellectual bullying – the kind that creative, emotionally intense and gifted adults and children experience their whole lives.Intense people are often unaware of the affect they have on people and  consequently their intentions and thinking process are deeply misunderstood by others.  Intensity is a form of neurodiversity.  Unharnessed, emotional, intellectual and energetic intensity can feel overwhelming to people. 

To me, Steve Jobs exhibited a personality trait called “hypersystemizing” or “addicted to insight.” Hypersystemizing has a biological basis and is often the driving force behind the kind of idealism and perfectionist behavior that Steve Jobs displayed. This is not everyday perfectionism, however. It’s a deep driving need to create something truly magnificent and not let others water down the visionary ideas with “groupthink.”


READ THE FULL UPDATED ARTICLE
 
Intensity – What makes intensely creative, emotional and gifted adults like Steve Jobs prone to abrasiveness AND to being bullied themselves?


RELATED ARTICLE How to Cultivate the Gifts of Emotional Intensity, ADHD, Creative Intensity and other Traits of Neurodiversity

Intensity – What makes intensely creative, emotional and gifted adults like Steve Jobs prone to troubling relationship issues?

I was truly dismayed to see someone as influential and talented as Steven Johnson, author of the brilliant book  Where Good Ideas Come From: The Natural History of Innovation say this about Steve Jobs:

“But for all his obnoxiousness with his colleagues…, Jobs had a rich collaborative streak as well. He was enough of an egomaniac to think of himself as another John Lennon, but he was always looking for McCartneys to go along for the ride with him.”

SOURCE: http://www.stevenberlinjohnson.com/2011/10/thoughts-on-steve-jobs-the-book.html

To me, this is an example of the kind of socially accepted intolerance, bias, and disparaging name-calling that creative, emotionally intense and gifted adults (and children) frequently experience their entire lives. Even though Mr. Johnson is intending to show the “other” side of Steve Jobs complex personality, it doesn’t excuse his perpetuating the portrayal of Steve as an “obnoxious egomaniac.”   Those are some powerfully degrading and hurtful words for such a respected author to be using as though they were mere objective facts and not defamatory or derogatory character slurs. Continue reading

You are NOT your own worst enemy…at least…you don’t have to be.

EVERYTHING we do is with the intention to make our short-term, present emotional lives either, less painful / stressful, more tolerable, or more meaningful / pleasurable in some way.

We are always coping with the imperative of making the NOW bearable as we pursue our longer-term ideals.

How to integrate our short-term intrinsic rewards with our long term goals/desires?

One thing I know for sure – it is NOT by seeing yourself as an enemy.

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Agilizing, Resistance and the Art of War

I learned a lot about how to AVOID inner war by reading the “Art of War” by SunTzu.  I read the book because I wanted to better understand why “war” is so commonly used as in our culture as a metaphor for personal growth.  In my opinion, gardening and cultivation is a far more accurate metaphor for how personal growth really works.  

To my surprise I found that he actually teaches war as a last resort.  Yes so many people have distorted his work and use it to justify using war metaphors as a primary way of interacting with themselves, like “Conquering Your Inner Critic” or “Battling your Inner Demons.” Another popular example of this is the book, “The War of Art.” Sun Tzu actually teaches the utter brilliance of winning by never going to war – it is a far superior strategy to avoid war and if possible, turn your opponents into allies.

Another common myth is that The Art of War is about how to deal with enemies.  Interestingly, I found that he used the term “oppositional forces” and “opponents” rather than enemies. According to Sun Tzu, hate or disrespect for your opposition actually makes YOU weak…not them.

Think of your resistance as your natural opposition to “over-controlling” or “over-pressuring” or “not listening” to some part of yourself that isn’t yet “READY” for what you are proposing.

When you are resisting doing something you think you “should” be doing, instead of fighting it, try asking yourself one of more of these questions that help you “agilize” rather than go to war:

- What would help me feel more “ready” to do this?
– What time of day might I more naturally be inclined to do this?
– What’ would make this feel easier?
– What is the really value of doing this?
– What will the impact be? in the short term?
– How little of this could I do and call it good enough?
– What assumptions am I making about when, where, how, how much, how long, with who, how perfect, how many?
– What could I redesign to make this more attractive?

Focusing on readiness to do things rather than “pushing” or coercing yourself is much more satisfying in the long run. Try it a couple times.

See how your resistance changes when your creative brain kicks in. : )

http://www.artofwarsuntzu.com/SunTzuEBook.htm

 

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The Truth about Chronic Disorganization: What Causes It and How to Heal the Trauma of Lifelong Overwhelm and Frustration

Although I prefer the term “Lifelong Disorganization“, the established industry terms are “chronic disorganization” and “challenging disorganization” this is not intended to imply a medical condition, nor an “incurable” condition.

The intention of the terms are to distinguish an “ongoing pattern of disorganization” from the “short term situational disorganization” and clutter that is the normal result of grief, illness, having children, and other life events, transitions, and changes. That said, it is quite common for what started as “stituational disorganization” to evolve into “chronic” or “challenging disorganization.”

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What is Situationally Disorganized?

When life throws you a curveball, most of us tend to accumulate clutter and become rather disorganized for a while. It’s happens to everyone. We become ill, a family member becomes ill, we are assigned a project at work that requires a lot of travel, or has a ridiculous deadline. Our lives change. We move, get married, have kids, or start a new job. During times of transition, a certain amount of chaos, clutter and disorganization is natural. This is what we call “Situationally Disorganized”: Disorganization that is a normal side effect of a life situation.

What makes “Chronic Disorganization” different?

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Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnoses of Gifted Children and Adults: ADHD, Bipolar, OCD, Asperger’s, Depression, and Other Disorders

Have you had multiple labels given to you by professionals? Do you love someone who has?

One of the well-kept secrets of the mental health community is that more than half and possibly up to 80% or more of the people who receive a diagnosis of ADHD, Bipolar, OCD, Asperger’s, PTSD, Depression, or a Learning Disorder are also gifted and multi-talented. Also, if you get any one of these diagnoses you are very like to get multiple diagnoses. They call this co-morbid or co-occuring conditions. They also may call you twice-exceptional.

 By definition, multiple diagnoses is a sign that we don’t really understand the full complexity of the underlying causes of human behavior. Is depression chemical? is it situational? is it reactionary? is it lifestyle? is it culture? is it the individual’s responsibility?

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Agile Life Design – Free Audio Class

I was Interviewed by Akilah Richards for the Excellence in Relationships TeleSummit™  about Agile Life Design and what it takes to design your life and your work to FIT you so that you can have healthier relationships and become more impactfully productive.agile-life-design-logo

 

QUOTES FROM THE PRESENTATION posted as they were listening…

When you trust that you will make the best of things even when they don’t turn as you hoped or expected, you actually can’t fail — there is no longer any such thing as “waste” — EVERY experience then becomes an “investment” in your becoming ready for success.  This is the deepest level of self-confidence and inner security.

“When you really get that there is no such thing as wasting time, that is the most profound state of faith, freedom and motivated action you can experience.”
“You cannot be ready for success until you are ready for failure.”
‎”I don’t say yes to something unless I’m willing to fail at it.”
“Instead of bossing yourself around, think of yourself as a client and partner with yourself!” 
There is more than one way to look at reliability….
“I can count on myself to recover, more than I can count on myself NOT to mess up. I am going to mess up.”
“It’s not about “fixing” your life, it’s about noticing what’s needed.”

 

Thank you all for posting the quotes –  It’s so great to know what really resonated for you!
Feel free to use these quotes and attribute them to ~Ariane Benefit

LISTEN TO THE AGILE LIFE DESIGN CLASS
 

Here are some of the quotes that people posted on Facebook after the program…

  • Thank You Ariane! I realized that there are a lot of ideas that I have not acted on because of the fear of failure. However, when I look back on my journey I’m really good at putting the pieces back together. Failure is not so bad after all :)  - Jen Rogers
  • I learned so much from that call, and I feel a renewed sense of trust in my journey. - A. Richards

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