Category Archives: Becoming Agile

A few of my Favorite TED Talks on Perception, the power of beliefs, expectations, etc.

Posted on by
Reply

Dan Ariely asks, Are we in control of our own decisions?

Behavioral economist Dan Ariely, the author of Predictably Irrational, uses classic visual illusions and his own counterintuitive (and sometimes shocking) research findings to show how we’re not as rational as we think when we make decisions

Dan Ariely on our buggy moral code

Behavioral economist Dan Ariely studies the bugs in our moral code: the hidden reasons we think it’s OK to cheat or steal (sometimes). Clever studies help make his point that we’re predictably irrational — and can be influenced in ways we can’t grasp.

________________

Becoming willing to “test” your intuitions…PACEing your self

Michael Shermer: The pattern behind self-deception

MIND SHIFT

Michael Shermer says the human tendency to believe strange things — from alien abductions to dowsing rods — boils down to two of the brain’s most basic, hard-wired survival skills. He explains what they are, and how they get us into trouble.

Dan Gilbert presents research and data from his exploration of happiness — sharing some surprising tests and experiments that you can also try on yourself. Watch through to the end for a sparkling Q&A with some familiar TED faces.

Matt Ridley: When ideas have sex
At TEDGlobal 2010, author Matt Ridley shows how, throughout history, the engine of human progress has been the meeting and mating of ideas to make new ideas. It’s not important how clever individuals are, he says; what really matters is how smart the collective brain is.

Share

You’re Invited: Agile Life Design – FREE Webinar – Tools for Navigating Life 3.0, Cultivating Personal Agility, and Healing Chronic Overwhelm, Indecision and Disorganization

Posted on by
10

Agile Life Design - Tools for Healing Chronic Overwhelm, Clutter, and Disorganization - Cultivating Personal Agility, Design Thinking

The Alternative to “Just Do It” is finally here!

We already know that pressure, controlist thinking and the “just do it” approach to life doesn’t work for a lot of us.  So what does work when your attempts to plan, schedule, and control what gets done, how it gets done, or when it gets done aren’t working?

Agility + Design Thinking + Love =   Agile Life Design™ 


WHEN

WHEN

March 1 – 20, 2012
Tuesdays and Thursdays  (View PDF Printable Calendar) 

Morning Presentation + Q & A Sessions:
12 pm – 3 pm (ish) EST
(9am – 12pm  PST)

Break: 20 Minutes



FREE

COST:  Free. No Strings Attached. All I ask is that you bring an open mind and readiness to explore new possibilities. 

NOTE:  This page is being updated often as the details are confirmed.  Thanks for your patience as my team and I work our hearts out to make this an event you’ll be glad you made time for. xoxox   Ariane

Register 



About the Webinar “Rally” 

I’m presenting a series of interactive webinars to share material from the book I’m writing on Agile Life Design.   I’ll be using a webinar technology which enables you to listen LIVE via the web, or dial-in by phone and ask questions, or ask questions by text chat.

My intention is to “rally the tribe” of multi-talented, sensitive, passionate, creative, purpose-driven, ADDish people together to share ideas, design tools and productivity / organizing strategies for “Navigating Life 3.0 and Cultivating Personal Agility, Productivity & Well-being in the Age of Perpetual Beta”     

Video Preview – What is Personal Agility? Life 3.0?

Why would you want to attend?

Agile Life Design™ integrates everything I’ve been teaching and living for years about changing habits, designing custom organizing systems, and healing overwhelm, clutter, disorganization, anxiety, depression, and chronic stress.  If you have a highly creative, technical, and/or highly sensitive mind. are stressed out, gifted, multi-talented,  ADHD, PTSD, or neurodiverse (different from the norm) in any way, the design approach to life is not only helpful, it’s necessary.

If you have been craving life design, organizing, and productivity tools that “fit” your personal style and sensibilities, don’t rely on super-human “self-control” to work, and that encourage you to think for yourself rather than follow someone else’s rules and systems, Agile Life Design tools may be just what you have been searching for.

Agile Life Design™ is not just a new buzzword for “managing” life.

It’s a radical new lens for seeing yourself, relating to your life and navigating the multitude of decisions you face every day.

Rather than trying to “compensate” for your personal preferences and traits, the Agile approach to life design empowers you to

  • build on your natural strengths
  • “integrate” your “quirkiness” into your daily life without apologizing for being who you are, and
  • address the real systemic roots of problematic procrastination, perfectionism and other productivity robbing organizing habits
  • enable your authentic self to emerge and flourish without all the drama.

Because the material for the book is “ready”, and I don’t want to wait a year to share it with you,  I’m offering this completely FREE.

Want to join me?
Click here to register. 

 

Got questions?
Join me for  LIVE PREVIEW Q & A Sessions

1) Monday, Feb 20     7 – 8 PM EST / 4 PM PST

2) Monday, Feb 27     7 – 8 PM EST / 4 PM PST

JOIN US FREE, no sign up required.

Dial in:  (248) 464-6062
PIN : 439582#


What You will Learn

You will learn Agile Life Design™ ”core” tools for designing your whole life: systems, behaviors, relationships and even the way you pay attention.  (My husband affectionately calls this my “GUTS”  Project – My Grand Unified Theory of everything needed to Succeed, heal our relationships with ourselves and make life work.) ariane-500x500.jpg

I will share:

  •  The “AGILE” Mindset.  We have virtually unlimited choices of what to do with our time, attention, energy and money. The “Agile Mindset” is the foundation for figuring out what really matters, and focusing ourselves.  
  • “ADEPT™” Design.   The ADEPT Design™ process empowers you to get unstuck, clear roadblocks and excuses, and take charge of your time, money and things in a way that fits the way you think and function.

  • The “8 Dances of Life™” is a framework for applying design thinking and cultivating your relationship with the 8 areas of life that are most vulnerable to overwhelm, indecision, clutter, procrastination and disorganization.  

 

You will also get access to:

“Inside the Life Designer’s Studio” Jam Sessions

WHOI’m taking you behind the scenes  for a candid peek “Inside the Life Designer’s Studio”   I’m asking successful people whose lives are showcases of Agile Life Design to reveal their custom life/work design and productivity strategies.  Current confirmed guest list includes (Click here to see the Speaker’s Bio Page)

Special Resource Website

WHEREA special online gathering place where you’ll get access to:

  • Listen Live to audio webinar (phone or webinar + text chat)
  • 3 – 5 day FREE replays of the audio
  • Option to view Video Replay (technology permitting)
  • Printable Handouts
  • 24 /7 Live Chat Room
  • Virtual Gift Bag

What People are Saying about My Classes

The only way I know to teach and speak are from the heart. I am passionate about communicating ideas and encouraging people to think for themselves. I don’t “pitch.”  In my world free is NOT code for “full of marketing pitches.”  I will however, share with you what other people have to say about my classes. I could never write this kind of stuff about myself!

Register to get your FREE PASS below! 

 

 

More Information

FACEBOOK PAGE Agile Life Design  where you can start connecting with the tribe, leave me a note on the wall, and get all the latest updates as this project evolves.   

Want to tweet about this event to share it with your tribe?  
TWITTER HASHTAG: #agiledesign  
Use this URL to Invite People to REGISTER:  http://bitly.com/agilelife


Who is the Rally for?

It’s for anyone who struggles with self-care, self-organizing, clutter, inner conflicts, making tough choices, saying “no”, changing unwanted habits, scheduling, planning, making time for important activities, emotional rollercoasters and triggers you don’t understand, or healing from a lifetime of emotional sensitivity and trauma.

You are not alone. There is a huge tribe of us experiencing the confusion of being so capable, yet so challenged by the extraordinary demands of Life 3.0 on our time, energy and attention.

It’s for outliers everywhere: change agents, challengers, Tweakers, ADHD, OCD, PTSD, highly sensitive, intuitives, and others who are vulnerable to intense emotional overwhelm, stuckness, indecision, difficulty focusing, stress, anxiety, depression, addiction, aversions and utter exhaustion.

If you’re serious about designing “OCD” (overwhelm, clutter, and disorganization) out of your life and designing more productivity, agility and fulfillment in, this innovative “studio” approach to learning together may be just the kind of open platform learning experience you’ve been waiting for. 

Join me and the “tribe” as we pioneer a whole new way of seeing ourselves and our lives. After all, when you are different –  when you are a plane in a world full of cars –  you won’t get very far trying to drive yourself to function as if you were a car. : )  With the appropriate owner’s manual and toolkit for your high powered brain, you can truly be the plan you were meant to be and soar!

 Register  

 

What inspired Agile Life Design?

I’ve been teaching aspects of this framework since 2005 in a kind of “as-needed” way. When I noticed that all my clients had great success once they learned an agile “design” approach to organizing, I realized this was not just a coincidence.  I needed to teach design and the concepts of agility outright.

I’ve been working to pull it all together into a cohesive book on Healing Chronic Disorganization by Cultivating Personal Agility with the Healing Power of Design for the past 2 years (though my whole life of 52 years has really been the preparation to write this book.)  I’m finally ready to share the work I’ve been evolving since I first started publishing the Neat & Simple Living approach to organizing as a blog back in 2005.

My intention is to share the processes and tools in a way that is easy to understand, but without “dumbing it down” and pretending that healing this problem is “a recipe you can follow in 3 easy steps.”  It’s not. It’s a custom journey that each person walks – on their own path, at their own speed.

When we learn how to listen to our own needs, and design our own quirky self-organizing systems in a collaborative way with the people we live and work with, watch out world.  There will be NO stopping us. We are VERY capable of self-organizing…the catch is that we must learn to do it our way.  And that means designing our own custom, agile, easily tweakable systems out of love and unconditional acceptance of who we are, as we are.

And not only that. The design approach to life design — including self-care, time allocation, decision making, and organizing systems — is FUN!

Why are you doing this free?

Over the past few years, thousands of people have reached out to me for help to end their suffering from chronic disorganization which deeply impacts their whole lives. It frustrates me deeply that I can’t give everyone the one-to-one coaching support they’ve been asking for.  When so many people connected with what I thought was a minority experience of life, I knew I had to do something more.  So I set to work on developing a simple framework for making a complex paradigm shift easier to understand.

It’s been such a long journey and so many hearts and minds have contributed to this framework that I don’t want money to get in the way of sharing this message of hope.

Wishing you an ever agile heart and mind,

ariane-sig-2012-65.png

Ariane Benefit, M.S.Ed.
Founder, Agile Life Design™, Author, Speaker, Productivity Healer:

Using the healing power of design thinking + Love to heal chronic overwhelm, disorganization, and clutter; cultivate personal agility; respond to human problems with human-centered solutions, and change the world —  one life at a time.


Share

Referral Directory – Diagnosis & Treatment – Neuropsychological Assessment: Is it ADHD, OCD, Autism, Asperger’s, Bipolar, PTSD?

Posted on by
5

I often get asked for referrals to medical professionals whose services may be covered by insurance and can diagnose and provide therapy and/or pharmaceutical treatments for living with neurodiversity. 

The neurodiverse spectrum includes gifted, talented, highly sensitve, ADHD, OCD, Autism, Asperger’s, Bipolar, PTSD, auditory and other sensory processing disorders, dyslexia, depression, anxiety, and more.  Many of these conditions are a combination of biological brain wiring, genetic influences and traumas stemming from environmental, emotional, physical, family and educational incidents that deeply hurt the individual and triggered the learning of unhealthy metacognitive and coping strategies. 

Diagnosis and medication can be an extremely valuable part of healing.  However, true healing requires learning new metacognitive skills such as self-monitoring, self-teaching, self-cooperation and design thinking which includes needs assessment, creative and critical thinking, conflict resolution, adaptive thinking, and decision-making strategies.

With that in mind, below are resources for your consideration.  Keep in mind that choosing a service provider is a very personal decision.  Finding the right person for you may require multiple attempts – especially if you are highly intelligent or sensitive. 

 Keep the faith.  There are people out there who can help you.  But like many things in our lives…it may not be an easy process to find the right support for you. 

Got a service provider who helped you?  Are a Neurodiverse-friendly practioner who gets thats the label isn’t the whole story?

Please leave a comment below and share Name, Location, brief description, website and /or phone number.  Thank you! 

(I do screen the comments but if you are legit, your name will appear within a couple days.)

Share

Tips for Choosing the Right Office Chair for You

Posted on by
Reply

Choosing an office chair can be daunting.  Most people are quick to tell you their favorite chair.  But how do you know if it fit your needs?  On her Facebook Page, ADHD Coach, Krickett Harrison recently asked for help choosing a chair and inspired me to write this article for you.  Hope you find it useful.

Why Should You Care about Your Office Chair?

If you spend a lot of time at your computer, your office chair is the second only to your bed in terms of affecting your physical and emotional health and your overall productivity. Having had a back injury when I was in college, I’ve been through over 15 office chairs in my search for a chair that supported my needs and I’ve learned this.

What Matters Most in Choosing an Office Chair?

It’s not about the brand, or the price, it’s about paying attention to your own personal needs and preferences.  If you are a highly sensitive person like me, lots of little things matter that other people could not care less about.  I offer my personal criteria not as a “prescription” that these should matter to you, but for you to consider whether or not they make a difference to you.

I suggest first make a list of exactly what you don’t like about your current office chair and any past office chairs you didn’t like to help you start creating criteria for new office chair.  Then think about any office chairs you really liked, but be careful.

Types of Office Chairs

Office chairs that are comfortable for reading, or meeting with other people (usually called “executive office chairs” and may have really high backs with head and neck rests) are not usually supportive or comfortable for long stretches of time spent working at a computer or on a project.

Chairs for working in are usually called either computer or task chairs and usually only go as high as your mid back. 

Office Chair Features that Matter to Me

Below are some of the features that really matter to me. Because I tend to hyperfocus, having the right chair helps me get more done and avoid emotional fatigue, energy drain and back pain.

  • Sturdy easy to roll around on wheels – I also don’t use carpet in my office…in one of my past offices I  laid down a linoleum renmant from home depot to make sure my chair rolled easily.
  • Adjustable height – I have short legs and dislike having to get on tippy toes just to get into my chair.  I also need my keyboard to be at 25 – 26 inches from the floor. Being able to adjust the chair height allows me to raise the chair to use my dining table ergonomically when I have a project I need to spread out on.
  • No pressure on my shoulders – chairs that put pressure on my shoulders really aggravate my neck and shoulder muscles. I had adhesive capsulitis in my right shoulder and also carpal tunnel from my many years of computer work (I programmed on the first Apple in college and been using coupters ever since!)   I wish I’d changed from an executive chair to a task chair earlier.  It makes a huge difference. 
  • Lumbar Support –  Lumbar support hits in the right place…seems most lumbar support hits my mid back instead of my actual lower back.
  • Great cushioning for both seat and back. –  I found that the aeron style mesh backs feel too hard and make my back stiffen up as if I’m leaning on a board.
  • Soft, Smooth Leather or Pleather covering.  Being a Highly Sensitive tactile person…I also can’t stand the roughish feel of mesh and other fabrics.  Many chair fabrics actually leave an imprint on and irritate / cause itching on the backs of my legs.  I also need leather or smooth pleather on my office chairs because I have cats.  Their fur doesn’t stick to leather so I don’t have to constantly use a roller to get the cat hair off.  Plus, you know how cats tend to cough up hairballs?  With leather that is super easy to clean up and NO STAINS!
  • Color and Visual appeal – One thing I have learned is that if I buy a chair in a color that doesn’t blend in with my office decor, it really annoys me.  My current office colors are light wood, red and coffee colored walls and warm brown colors.  My old black executive chair practically takes over the room and disrupts the calming energy I wanted in my space.
  • Returnable – I just got a new brown task chair that meets all these criteria.  I hope I still love it a month from now.  Once thing I’ve learning is that it takes a month at least to really break in a chair and get used to it.  Also you find out how good the cushions really are.  Any chair can be comfy for an hours…but after a 10-12 hour day (even with breaks) you really get to know how good a chair is.  There is no other way to test this than to buy one and try it for a least a week, though a month is better.  So unless you got a super cheap price or are willing to give the chair away if it doesn’t fit you, buy it from a place that makes it easy to return.
That’s my list for now. As you can see, needs assessment is the most CRITICAL phase of choosing an office chair!  : ) Take time to think through your needs and you will be a lot less likely to regret your chair.  That said…if you do end up regretting it, like I have, consider it an investment in learning about your personal criteria that will inform all your future furniture purchases.  
I’ll update this when I think of more.  Right now my photo insert on Word Press is not functioning…when I get it fixed I’ll share photos.  Till then, let me if this article was helpful to and if you have any questions related to this I’ll do my best to answer. 

Also let me know what features of office chairs you most need, like or don’t like….let’s learn together!

 p.s.  I tried to find all the typos, but most likely missed a couple…if you find one, let me know that too.  : )
Learn More about Agile Life Design and why it’s a core life skill for people who don’t fit the molds, they make the mold!  Whether you are working as a service professional in your own business, or in the worlds of medicine, healing, education, or corporations, if you are are a thought leader, innovator, therapist, teacher, author, designer, coach or healer trying to make a difference in the world, and conventional systems just don’t work for you, Agile Life Design may be the missing link to your greater life satisfaction.Learn More Here

Share

Welcome to my Agile Life Design “Studio”

Posted on by
Reply

About My Studio

My virtual Life Design Studio is like a “lab” where I learn, create, experiment, try out new ideas and share my learning in real time.  The ideas here are not 100% polished, but since I’m always learning and growing and tweaking, they are never “done” anyway.  : ) I do my best to communicate clearly, but if you find something confusing or encounter a typo, let me know and I’ll correct it when I can.  To help me focus and manage my own perfectionist tendencies, I purposefully apply the 80/20 rule before publishing.  If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have a website or blog online at all.  Thanks for understanding!

What is Life Design?

Design is the art and process of figuring out creative, elegant options for resolving inner conflicts and fulfilling as many needs as possible to achieve the greatest impact without exhausting your resources.  This is true of all kinds of design whether you are designing a home, a meal, a product, a game, a piece of furniture or whether you are designing your days, weeks and months.  The fact is that we are always designing…we just aren’t aware of it.

The overall stages of the design process are the same across all applications of design.  It’s like walking, the basics are the same.  The difference is in how quickly, creatively, and thoughtfully you do it. When I started learning systems design concepts in 1980, I was struck by how easy it was to “over-design” and get caught up in the details before I even knew if the solution was actually viable or sustainable.  It is very easy to get stuck in the planning stages, or in the creative or visual aspects of design.

It’s also very easy to take so long designing that by the time you produce the solution it’s already obsolete. It’s annoying to spend a year designing a software system only to find out that it won’t run on the latest version of the computer it was meant to run on.

Today, needs change very quickly. You might think that would mean we don’t have time for design. But in reality, it means we need the ability to design more than ever.  Under-designing can lead to just as many fatal crashes as over-designing.  

What we need most today is smart design.  Design that is need-responsive, just-enough, just-in-time, and most of all, tweakable.  Solutions and systems must be easy to change when needs change – yet again.  The ability to design simple, quick, easy and sustainable systems is rapidly becoming a core life literacy skill as critical as learning how to read and write.

That’s were Agile comes in. We need to design Agility into every part of our lives if we want to thrive in a world where change is so fast and furious it’s like living in permanent white water rapids.

Agile Design is about:

  • Becoming able to more accurately “read” situations; to detect needs, validate and quantify what and how much is needed instead of just saying “I need more or less of “x”
  • Mediating conflicts between multiple needs vying for attention at the same time.
  • Anticipating future needs knowing that the needs and our estimates will change (instead of wondering if they will change)
  • Staying in touch with changing needs and being ready to change your solution or systems – as needed – at any time.
  • Becoming ready to respond quickly and appropriately to changing needs without getting stressed out by the need to change
  • Designing or choosing solutions that fit the needs and are easily adjustable to changing needs.
  • Rapidly prototyping solution ideas so you can quickly test them, identify any flaws in the design, and learn more about what factors will affect the success of the solution.
  • Quickly and iteratively launching systems or solutions.  Taking action sooner and risking making mistakes so that critical needs are met sooner rather than later.
  • Learning how to “tweak” systems with finesse instead of frustration.  In fact, designing “tweakability” into your systems in the first place is the epitome of smart, effective, agile systems design.

Agile is about staying flexible within the structure of the design process.  Agile Design thinking teaches you how to resolve the ever-present conflict between getting it “right” and getting it “done.”  It encourages you to not get carried away with trying to predict and control the final form the solution will take.

Agile Design is about staying focused on fulfilling multiple needs (like function, ease, fit, feel, form and style) with while not becoming overly attached to a specific solution ideas or designs. The Designer mindset is perpetually ready to do figure out an alternative, hopefully better, option for meeting the present needs. Becoming agile with design is empowering – it helps you feel competent, capable and “in charge” of your life without having to “control” it. Designers don’t expect systems to just happen, they thoughtfully prototype, experiment, try out ideas, tweak and shape systems with purposeful attention to changing needs.

What’s involved in applying Agile Life Design?  

 Agile Life Design is a mindset, a process, and a toolkit. It’s like a dance where you are constantly reading your partners moves, the music tempo etc and adjusting your moves to meet the context.  You don’t have to follow the steps, you get to customize the dance steps to yourpersonal  rhythms, needs, values and flair.  Design is about meeting functional needs and ALSO getting to have some FUN with your systems.

Agile Life Design is not a “rigid set of steps.  It’s not a “prescription” or “technique” like a planner system you try out and then get tired of. It’s a life skill you can cultivate and apply to all areas of life, for the rest of your life.  For example, earning how to design time management strategies that meets your unique needs instead of trying to follow a strategy or system someone else told you was the “best” way.  Best for them is not always best for you.  You decide what design criteria and important to you, and then you get to choose, customize or create the systems and tools that support you in implementing your custom design.

As your needs change, for example, suppose you switch from doing mostly project work for clients to making lots of appointments with clients, your whole approach to time management will need to be redesigned. Agile Life Design makes it much easier and less stressful to make the transition gracefully.

What are the Benefits of Agile Life Design?

Agile Life Design skills empower you forever – not just for now.  The actual systems you design will often have short lifespans.  And so they should.  As your needs and habits change and become more fluent in your design skills, you will need to adjust your systems to ensure they continue to support your needs.  Just like you needed new clothes every year as you got taller and taller.

Why does Agile Life Design work better than conventional organizing and productivity strategies for Neurodiverse and ADHD?

Neurodiverse people who are thriving have already become agile. In fact, everyone can benefit from Agile Life Design skills.  If your life evolves rapidly, or is more unpredictable than the average person for any reason, you need Agile Life Design.  If you, like me, have a history of time management challenges, or clutter, or ADHD, PTSD,  and / or are highly creative you need Agile Life Design more than the average person does.

People with ADHD are often natural improvisers and not natural schedule or “script” followers.  Life can work really well as an improvisational dance, but it does require a different kind of “choreography.”  Agile life design is in many ways, the creative person’s guide to choreographing the unpredictable life. It’s a whole different way of becoming ready to succeed in life. Agile Life Design works for neurodiverse, creative, sensitive and ADHD because it doesn’t emphasize developing self-control, instead it focuses on our strengths and uses our natural aptitudes and traits such as:

  • Pattern and relationship seeing
  • Being driven to constantly change and improve (a characteristic for which others put us down by saying we are too picky, sensitive, distractible or have “shiny object syndrome”)
  • Our ability to activate ourselves into action quickly (which may be called impulsivity – but I see this as an opportunity to design our own triggering or self-activating mechanisms.  Triggers that are channeled in positive directions are no longer called impulsive, you get called smart and responsive instead.)

Agile Life Design also helps you heal your relationship with yourself, increase your feelings of self-worth and confidence, and even manage your emotions better because it requires that you see yourself more compassionately, to see your value, to validate your own needs, and to make life choices and self-organizing decisions that affirm your right to be who you are without apologizing or feeling less than others.


p.s. The story of Agile actually began as a process for designing software in a rapidly changing context. I believe the story of Agile Life Design has always been with us, but now more than ever, it is one that must take center stage if we are to flourish in the complex, uncontrollable, unpredictable and rapidly changing world of the 21st century.

 

 Ready to get started? 

Before you do anything else, if you resonate with the idea of Agile Life Design,  I suggest joining my e-list.  We’ll get you started with a couple of my most popular PDFs delivered to your email today.  You’ll receive:

Simplifying Your Life: Agile Life Design Strategies for Doing What Matters Most  8 page Printable PDF

 

 Myths, Facts and Agile Life Design Strategies for Thriving with Adult ADHD A 6 page Printable PDF

  Join my e-mail list here.

 

 

 

Share

Wholehearted Living Starts with Courage to Release Shame, Embrace Vulnerability and Imperfection – Brene Brown

Posted on by
1

In the spirit of giving and gratitude, my friend Indrani, the mastermind behind the non-profit organization Indrani’s Light, is giving away the recording of her inspiring teleseminar interview featuring author Dr. Brene Brown.  If you would like to like to be notified of future free “Chat and Chai” calls, please sign up here.

I was particularly excited about this call, because I’ve recently identified Brene Brown as one of the people I want to learn a lot more from.  Listening to her speak and watching her on You Tube for me was so gratifying.  Clients often ask me if there is a book or resource for learning more about what I mean my Self-acknowledgement and Self-compassion. Her work is one of the closest I’ve found yet.   To learn more, view my You Tube Playlist for Dr. Brene Brown. 

Here’s the link to download the MP3. 

 

BOOKS BY BRENE BROWN

The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't): Telling the Truth About Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power  
The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who Yo…  I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): 


TEDxHouston – Brené Brown Shame, Vulnerability, Whole Hearted Living 

Synopsis

Dr. Brené Brown is a researcher professor at the University of Houston, Graduate College of Social Work, where she has spent the past ten years studying a concept that she calls Wholeheartedness, posing the questions:

  • How do we engage in our lives from a place of authenticity and worthiness? 
  • How do we cultivate the courage, compassion, and connection that we need to embrace our imperfections and to recognize that we are enough — that we are worthy of love, belonging and joy? 

TEDxKC – Brené Brown – The Price of Invulnerability

Talk Synopsis  

In our anxious world, we often protect ourselves by closing off parts of our lives that leave us feeling most vulnerable. Yet invulnerability has a price. When we knowingly or unknowingly numb ourselves to what we sense threatens us, we sacrifice an essential tool for navigating uncertain times — joy. This talk will explore how and why fear and collective scarcity has profoundly dangerous consequences on how we live, love, parent, work and engage in relationships — and how simple acts can restore our sense of purpose and meaning.

About TEDx, x = independently organized event 

In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized. (Subject to certain rules and regulations.)

Share

Could we please stop calling Steve Jobs “obnoxious” or “egomaniac”?

Posted on by
2

I was truly dismayed to see someone as influential and talented as Steven Johnson, author of the brilliant book  Where Good Ideas Come From: The Natural History of Innovation say this about Steve Jobs: 

“But for all his obnoxiousness with his colleagues…, Jobs had a rich collaborative streak as well. He was enough of an egomaniac to think of himself as another John Lennon, but he was always looking for McCartneys to go along for the ride with him.”

http://www.stevenberlinjohnson.com/2011/10/thoughts-on-steve-jobs-the-book.html

To me, this is a kind of intellectual bullying – the kind that gifted people experience their whole lives because they are deeply misunderstood. I wonder if Mr. Johnson is familiar with the literature on giftedness and intensity and, if he were, would he use words like “egomaniac” so easily to describe this genius?

Intensity of energy, drive, compassion, and frustration is a well-documented aspect of having extraordinary intelligence and empathy. Steve Jobs was lucky he had productive outlets for his intensity, be also paid a high price.  I deeply admire that he was strong enough to not let his creative passion be subdued or muted by the people around him who were clueless about how to cultivate or cope with his intense drive to innovate. Luckily he insisted on cultivating it himself. Even when we got booted from Apple for his emotional intensity, he refused to give up and moved on to become the force behind Pixar and Toy Story.

It takes a very intense kind of person to challenge the status quo and do what people say can’t be done. Not only were lots of people not supporting him, they were actively trying to suppress and modify him as well. How long would you stand up for your big idea if everyone around you was trying to change it?   

To me, Steve Jobs exhibited a personality trait called “hypersystemizing” or “addicted to insight.” Hypersystemizing has a biological basis and is often the driving source behind the kind of idealism and perfectionist behavior that Steve Jobs displayed. This is not everyday perfectionism, however. It’s a deep driving need to create something truly magnificent and not let others water down the visionary ideas with “groupthink.”

Continue reading →

Share

You are NOT your own worst enemy…at least…you don’t have to be.

Posted on by
Reply

EVERYTHING we do is with the intention to make our short-term, present emotional lives either, less painful / stressful, more tolerable, or more meaningful / pleasurable in some way.

We are always coping with the imperative of making the NOW bearable as we pursue our longer-term ideals. How to integrate our short-term intrinsic rewards with our long term goals/desires?

Continue reading →

Share

On Resistance and the Art of War

Posted on by
3

I learned a lot about how to AVOID inner war by reading the “Art of War” by SunTzu – he teaches the utter brilliance of winning by never going to war.

He thinks in terms of “oppositional forces” rather than enemies. Hate or disrespect for your opposition actually makes YOU weak…not them.

Think of your Resistance as your natural opposition to “over-controlling” or “over-pressuring” or “not listening” to some part of yourself that isn’t yet “READY” for what you are proposing.

When you are resisting doing something you think you “should” be doing, instead of fighting it, try asking yourself one of more of these questions:

- What would help me feel more “ready” to do this?
- What time of day might I more naturally be inclined to do this?
- What’ would make this feel easier?
- What is the really value of doing this?
- What will the impact be? in the short term?
- How little of this could I do and call it good enough?
- What assumptions am I making about when, where, how, how much, how long, with who, how perfect, how many?
- What could I redesign to make this more attractive?

Focusing on readiness to do things rather than “pushing” or coercing yourself is much more satisfying in the long run. Try it a couple times.

See how your resistance changes when your creative brain kicks in. : )

http://www.artofwarsuntzu.com/SunTzuEBook.htm

Share