Ariane’s Neuro-Friendly Reading List and Book Recommendations

Welcome to my Neuro-Friendly Reading List! I get asked all the time to recommend books that are helpful for people who don’t fit the mold. I have personally handpicked each book in this collection from my own 40+ yrs of voraciously reading thousands of books on subjects related to helping us better understand ourselves, make peace with life, develop more satisfying and healthy relationships, and get things done without so much drama! : )

ARIANE’S “Neuro-Friendly” READING LIST

Why I Made These Neuro-Friendly Lists

Although there are few and far between books that truly directly address the needs of the neurodiverse, I have tried to include those which I feel offer empowerment rather that trying to tell you HOW to do things. I have found that trying to follow mainstream tips and advice is generally a recipe for failure. What we need is to develop better ways to understand our uniqueness and how to design our own approach to life and work that FITS us.

ON CHOOSING WHAT TO READ

So many self-help books make you feel like there is something wrong with you. As if there is some “ideal” way to be that would solve all your troubles. The truth is that no one lives in “balance” all the time. Life is a juggling act. The best books teach you how to “dance” with life. If a book tells you have to “do this once a day” or follow these 4 simple steps – RED ALERT!

If you ever start to feel worse about yourself while reading a book, I suggest you get rid of the book. Books that help you see the value in who you are the gems that are more likely to impact your life in a helpful way.

Learning is the best therapy for Gifted, ADHD, Highly Sensitive and other Neurodiverse.

For many of us, the best therapy is to learn more about themselves and how their minds and emotions work. There is even a name for it — Bibliotherapy. Reading, consciously redesigning my life, having a couple very close friends to confide in and trust, a really gifted coach, and participating in and contributing to a group learning community are what has worked the best for me to heal my own PTSD, anxiety, depression and ADHD when therapy and other interventions did not.

Unfortunately, many therapists and authors either do not understand the complex and unusual needs of people with PTSD, High Sensitivity, or IQs over 130. Unfortunately, people and books don’t come with WARNING LABELS! Wouldn’t it be great if a book has a label like:

WARNING: THIS BOOK / CLASS / SUGGESTION IS INTENDED FOR AN AVERAGE NEUROTYPICAL MAINSTREAM AUDIENCE. If you have ADHD, are gifted or otherwise neurodiverse, please filter all advice accordingly.

What I would give to put that label on some of the most popular books of our time that made me, and so many others of us, feel like there was something so deeply defective about us because we could not easily implement their systems or ideas.

By definition, what works for most people does NOT work for us.

We, the high functioning neurodiverse are a large minority of more than 20%. We are the “outliers” for whom the usual rules and advice do not apply. Most self-help books are mainstream advice written for the 70 – 80% of neurotypical people.

Sadly, few people tell you that. You have to figure out on your own that you must do the OPPOSITE of most of what they say. If they say “try harder” that means you probably have to actually “STOP TRYING SO HARD”.

If they say “this is easy, anyone can do it” we will probably struggle with it. On the other hand, if they say, this is really challenging and difficult, it will probably be easy for you. Either way, other people are likely to find you challenging and maybe also intimidating – because you rarely live up to their pre-defined expectations of “how people are.”

So, when we read books, it’s up to us to figure out how to read between the lines and decides what applies to us and what doesn’t.

The very process of people trying to “mainstream” us with their ideas of what is “BEST” or “RIGHT” or “EASY” or “Anyone can do this” is itself quite traumatic and often ends up doing more harm than good. We can end up MORE depressed instead of less.

We need really strong filters to help us avoid the trap of thinking that all those latest research studies apply to us. Almost NO research studies use intelligence, or PTSD or ADD or other traits to distinguish their demographic profiles. And they rarely disclose the limitations of who their research studies apply to.

For example:

”Studies show that if you “write for 2 hours a day in a disciplined way” you will have more success as a writer. But guess what? None of the people in that study had ADD!

And when I specifically asked the author of the book saying this, he said

“Well, that’s a different case, all research is done with the general population in mind, not the “exceptions.” Anyone with ADHD or any other situation like that is different. I see those people in my clinical practice, this isn’t for them.”

Really? Then don’t go around blithely telling everyone that this is the “best” strategy for “anyone” who wants to be a productive writer.

When I realized that hundreds of my clients had the same experience I did reading books that made me feel worse about myself, I decide to create this reading list and only put in it books that ARE written for us, or although they may not be wrtten specifically for us, they are written in a way that is more likely to apply to us too.

They might not be just right for you, you still need to “filter” with own criteria, but these are the best that I’ve found for self-help. I’m still building this collection…so check in regularly.

Want to Stay in Touch?

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ARIANE’S READING LIST